Added: Caterina Keels - Date: 26.01.2022 06:32 - Views: 13334 - Clicks: 1665
One of you wants to talk more about your relationship. The other one would rather cheerfully submit to a tax audit.
Here are some practical suggestions. Why is everyone afraid of being told, "We Need to Talk"? One of its main points was that we all have inside us what you might call a parent, adult, and. The adult part of you tends to be practical, rational, and mostly interested in solving problems.
The parent part of you is mostly concerned with enforcing moral authority. And the child part of you mostly just wants the parent to get off their back so they can go back to having fun. That can quickly put the person hearing it right into child mode. There are two kinds of roles in relationships. And people in these two roles tend to think about relationships very differently. In the first role, the fundamental thing in a relationship is to feel connected. In the second kind of role, the fundamental thing in a relationship is to perform well.
Jamie is most reassured in a relationship when feeling close and connected. Jamie is in a relationship with Ronnie.
The thing that makes Ronnie feel most reassured is the feeling of having done a good job. Jamie and Ronnie start out quite happily together. Jamie needs these things a lot. So, Ronnie reacts by getting emotionally withdrawn. Of course, emotional distance is the thing Jamie fears most.
Their needs are fundamentally at odds. Jamie gets upset and wants to talk more about those feelings. But that only makes Ronnie feel more inadequate. And so on, and so on. Not good. There has to be a better way, right? Other people need to feel connected first before they can get many benefits from talking. Sometimes it can be a good idea to connect physically first, in whatever way feels best for the two of you, before trying to communicate with words.
As we discussed in Episode 18language is a really late human evolutionary acquisition. Your partner may need a lot of reassurance at first before they can really feel confident that your intentions are friendly and not hostile. When that happens, see if you can be aware of it, and get back to speaking to one another as adults.
Be patient with each other. Your feelings are important, and you have the right to them. But your partner has the right to their feelings, too. Make sure both of you feel acknowledged as equals. No matter how much talking you do. All content here is for informational purposes only. This content does not replace the professional judgment of your own mental health provider.
Please consult a d mental health professional for all individual questions and issues. Jump to .
December 16, We are currently experiencing playback issues on Safari. If you would like to listen to the audio, please use Google Chrome or Firefox. Your partner may first need reassurance that your intentions are friendly. Try to accept the fact that the two of you just experience things differently. About the Author. Follow Facebook Linkedin Pinterest. You May Also Like Relationship Doctor. What's Your Love Language?Want to talk need to talk
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I Don't Want to Talk About It