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Step or bio, 12 yr old boys don't like younger, very VERY normal. Both you and dad need to validate that he has a Ladies want casual sex IL Luther right to his feelings, but acting out is not acceptable I'd include threatening to leave the family as acting out.
I'd talk to dad first to out a plan, but I'd suggest a well structured family meeting. Preface the meeting by stating that the family needs to work together to make sure everyone has a voice, and that you and DH want each person to be happy. You could do an activity like, have each family member write down the positive and negative sides of having a larger family.
One by one each person shares, and gets feed back from the group. Make sure there are ground rules for even this part-only one person speaks at a time, everyone is respectful, etc. From there, you could make a list of 'house rules' or a schedule. You could do something like, 'from is loud time-girls can giggle and play, 12yr old can blast music or video games, then at is quiet time, when homework is done etc. His reaction is really normal, but it does sound like he's splitting.
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